Forgiven to Forgive

So much love, commitment gave I
With all my heart, Loved I another’s child
Left mother, father, creed and clan
Took upon me another’s name

Heaven on earth, promised he me
Forever you shall be mine and I yours
His words so sweet, precious to my ear
Queen of his heart, I sleep in bliss

Fly in the ointment! His heart to another?
In another’s arms he lies, I alone
Can’t look me in the eye, Barriers so high
Torn in two, Tortured being; My love

Numerous times, Middle of nights
Silently he creeps, lies next me
Straight as a log, touching me not
Both awake, then suddenly he snores!

Curled like a foetus, Chest to my knees
I hug myself, Silent tears, Hushed sobs
Crunching the pain out of my guts! The pain!
Like vomit; It clings; Refuses to go; Take it away!

Cheated on, Rejected, Sick to the stomach
Doubt myself, the demons back
Accusing, mocking, what were you thinking?
You’re too shallow for a man as he

Wedlock, instituted by God in Eden
To be a reflection of His love for man
Sweet communion for Creator and creature
Corrupted, piercing God’s heart with pain

Now a void and dismal canyon lies
Separates me from my dearest One
Long for Him but my infidelity
Keeps the chasm ever so wide

In love He sought me from the mountains
Pleasures thought I, but bitterness reaped
He had to leave the ninety and nine
To seek the one in pain, sickness and despair

Mercy! Grace! Justice! Kiss each other
And make me Restored once more to my life’s Love
Nothing I do can ever repay
I owed so great a debt, only His death could pay

Left He His glory in heaven above
Trod the winepress with blood stained
Humbled Himself to death, death of a cross
Just so in His name, once more could I be called?

Pleasures he sought, left wounds so deep
She just took and took, and gave nothing back
He comes to me and in tears pleads
Take me back my love, I am yours once more

My chance to get the vengeance I sought!
Oh! What a joy this will be
For him to feel a taste of his own medicine
The hurt still lingers, I can’t forgive

Then I look upon that hill, a hill called Mt. Calvary
Outside the City gates, where my Saviour hung
In love and compassion He shows me too
How like a harlot I too sought other gods

It hurt my loved One when I trusted in others
Yet in love He sought me, Pursued me till I could be found
Behold what manner of love is this?
That a God so great would humble Himself for me

Come my love back into my arms and heart
I was given much more than I could repay
Your wrongs to me fade into oblivion
Compared to what I’ve done against God

Who am I to not forgive?
When such as my sins are covered in His blood
Forgiven to forgive I was; I forgive you
I love you my love, with an endless love!

Thank you for taking the time to visit my page. Please, share with me how you've struggled or triumphed in forgiving someone who has greatly hurt you. You can comment or email me on nomusamadlala@gmail.com

A STIFF-NECKED PEOPLE

Psalms 105 and 106 narrate the journey of the children of Israel: from the promise that God made to Abraham, the provision for food made through Joseph’s enslavement in Egypt, their favour in Egypt, their deliverance from an oppressive Pharaoh, their journey to Canaan and how they discharged themselves on reaching that land.

In spite of all the great works of deliverance that God performed for His people, they always found themselves wandering away from Him and disobeying His Word. Yet each time, God demonstrated His love and mercy towards them, and forgave them their wanderings. How like Israel I am! Out rightly stubborn or forgetting God’s leading in the past and choosing to disobey his Word and following after ‘strange gods’. Many times, a lot of us panic and start looking for ‘strange solutions’ to the challenges we meet in life. We do well to remember how the Lord has led us in the past. That should fortify us to know that He has a way out for us, no matter how dismal things may seem right then.

Many times God wanted to destroy the Israelites and start all over building a new chosen nation with Moses, but Moses stood in the gap and pleaded for God to remember His covenant with Abraham. God listened to Moses because He and Moses had such a special relationship that garnered favour for Moses. The lesson for us here is that: if I am upfront with God, trust Him explicitly and do His will unquestioningly like Moses did, I become His friend and can stand in the gap of intercessory prayer for my husband, children, community, church and country etc. God can spare His judgement on them through my obedience and intercession.

By forgetting the Lord’s promises, the Children of Israel missed the opportunity to enter the Promised Land within a few weeks of leaving Egypt. They doubted God’s Word and became afraid. The result was a forty year journey that eliminated the unbelieving generation, leaving only Joshua and Caleb from the original group to cross the Jordan to the other side (Joshua 4 v 6; Numbers 32 v 11-13). Even though these two faithful men eventually entered the Promised Land, it was still 40 years later. The lack of faith and disobedience of their fellow travellers caused Joshua and Caleb to be delayed in receiving the Blessing of their obedience. Lack of faith and disobedience can delay my attaining the ultimate perfection that God wants to work for me. Not only does it affect me but it also affects those who are with me who have obeyed God. For me ‘to get the lesson’, those travelling with me are also negatively affected.

What really shocks me though is God’s reaction to Moses’ one mistake. Instead of speaking to the Rock to bring forth water, after declaring to the people that ‘he and Aaron’ were now forced to ‘fetch water for the noisy, complaining, stubborn people out of the rock’, Moses smote the rock, not once but twice (Numbers 20 v 7-11). Immediately God passed judgement on Moses (Numbers 20 v 12). For his disobedience, he too would not cross the Jordan but could only view the Land from the top of the mountain before he died (Numbers 27 v 12-14; Deuteronomy 32 v 48-52). What a price to pay for a single mistake. The lesson for us is that no matter how much we think we are justified in our acts of disobedience, it is displeasing to God and will have its consequences, no matter how transitory the consequences may be. God in His infinite love towards us has a way of bringing beautiful outcomes from our mess (Romans 8:28). Moses, though he did not step on the land of Canaan, God resurrected him and took him up to heaven (Jude v 9). There is no justification or rationalisation about sin. Provocation is no reason to disobey god’s word. God demands total obedience of us.

What a ‘stiff-necked’ person I am Lord. Just like the children of Israel, I doubt Your promises and miss out on the fullness of joy that You have prepared for me. Like them I forget the testimony of what You have done for me in the past and look to ‘strange gods to deliver me’ in times of trouble. Like Moses I feel justified to react in anger to ‘provocations’ from my fellow man and disobey You. Psalm 106: 43-45 gives me hope that You are a forgiving God, who does not forget His promises but remembers them and repents of the destruction determined for me when I come to you in repentance. Instead of treating me according to my transgressions (Psalm 103:9, 10), You extend mercy and grace to me and hear me when I cry and You forgive my sins and impart on me Your righteousness. Blessed be the LORD God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting. AMEN

You can share with me how you have experienced God's judgement and mercy in your Christian walk. E mail me on nomusamadlala@gmail.com or leave a comment

SEEK HIM FIRST

My morning routine usually involves my waking up earlier than my family to ensure that I do some of my personal activities before the crunch of daily demands sets in. This is the time when I read my Bible, talk to God and let Him talk to me. Usually from such experiences I am motivated to write something that I can share with others about my walk with God.

On days when I’m not going to work, I sit longer at the computer writing until the usual cue for me to stop. The cue is my little two year old son, Junior. Every time, without fail, when he awakens, he grabs his ‘bhabhu’ (little blanket) and comes straight to the computer looking for me. Sometimes if I am no longer at the computer he will search for me through the house while at the same time calling out for me. If it takes too long for him to find me, I detect the desperation in his voice and quickly answer back to let him know where I am. The greeting is always the same. He expectantly raises his arms for me to carry him and he wraps his cute little arms around my neck and says ‘Good morning mommy. I love you mommy.’ It’s a ritual that I so enjoy. It brings me so much happiness and bonds me ever so close with my little boy.

Mornings are special times at which we set the tone of the day based on how we first interact with our loved ones. David, a Bible character I love to model my life on had something special going between him and God every morning. In Psalm 5 v 3 David writes: ‘My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord: in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up’. By coming to God in the morning we connect with the One who gives and sustains our life’s needs. Many are the challenges of the day and they can easily overcome us unless we tap on God’s promises for us.

There are days when I get so busy and bogged down with work that I get home late, sleep late and obviously wake up late. Looking at the things that need to be done, sometimes I skip the special time with God in the morning. Such days are almost always plagued with irritations, flaring tempers and things that just don’t go the way they should. It usually requires me to take time out, even if it’s for a couple of minutes, and have a short heart-to-heart with God and somehow the calm always returns.

What is important for us to remember as children of God is that God understands us as His children. Yes, it is good to have a regular scheduled time for daily devotions with God. But I don’t think that God stands with a register and a huge pen to mark that you were present and on time or absent for the appointment. If we revisit the analogy of my mornings with my little boy we’ll discover that on some days he wants us to linger and do things together before he is satisfied enough to go and do something else on his own. On other days he is just content getting a hug and kiss and getting on with business. Also it is not like clockwork that he wakens to seek for me. On some days it is earlier and on some days it is slightly later in the day.

Of course when his usual wake up time comes I anticipate his coming, but if he does not pitch up I do not rush to disturb his sleep and insist that he avails himself. Neither do I sulk and complain when he does eventually come. Sometimes because something exciting happened the previous night such as a relative or friend coming over, he will sleep later than usual and obviously wake up a bit late. The one consistent thing that I always count on is that he seeks me out first thing he awakens without fail. Even when I have gone to work, I am told that’s what he does and then has to be told that mommy has gone to work but she will come back. A further habit that he has developed since it registered with him that mommy goes to work is that as I prepare for work, he awakens just for a few moments to say ‘Hello mommy, goodbye mommy’ and then immediately goes back to sleep. It’s so sweet and tugs at my heart’s strings.

So we need not beat ourselves up and go on guilt trips just because we have missed our appointed time with God. We do well to remember that God can never be too busy for anyone of His children. Psalm 34 v 15: ‘The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and His ears are open unto their cry.’ What God always counts on is that you will seek him first no matter what the circumstances. One thing that I have learnt is that no matter how pressed I am for time, even if it cannot be the full devotional program that I do in the morning, I give myself time to connect as soon as I get out of bed.

At such times, that is when I cherish having memory verses that I can recite without having to open my Bible. Sometimes all I do is sing songs that talk about what I need from God or that address where I’m at in my spiritual barometer while I shower or do whatever I do in the morning. The important thing is to activate my connection with God anyway I can. The principle is to seek Him with all my heart, the how can vary and can be a matter of preference.

What I have found out also is that even after having a full morning devotional time with scripture reading, prayer, meditation and praise, I still need to connect and touch base with God throughout the day. My little boy at intervals throughout the day will start to get irritable and look for mommy to soothe his worries away. That’s how it ought to be between us and God. We do well to continually come to Him throughout the day to connect to His life giving power so we can continue to be effective.

Yes, it is good practice and it is important to have a scheduled time to meet with God early in the morning. For some of us working moms, it is best to do this before we do anything else because of the nature of our day. For some who are stay-at-home moms (blessed people!) it may make sense to get everyone off to school and work, put the baby to sleep and then have the special connection time when all is peaceful and quiet. Yet again, if anything happens to alter that schedule, you can still reschedule and enjoy communion with your Heavenly Father at a more practical time. I have found my lunch times at the office a suitable alternative. I believe that what’s of utmost importance to God in addition to the fact that you came, is that you meet with Him when all your faculties are sharp and you can have quality time together.

It is my sincere hope and prayer that each one of us will develop the all-important habit of deliberately setting a time to tell God what pleases and annoys us, praise Him and thank Him for His blessings and give Him time to heal, comfort, restore, teach and correct us bearing in mind that God is love.

God Incarnate for Me

He who was, He who is, He who shall be

From eternity past, to eternity future

Holy, Holy, Lord God almighty, I AM

Conceived of woman was He

Mystery, Wonder, Unfathomed love

Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient

Confined, Restricted, to one place bound

Helpless, Dependent, Reliant on man

Helpless infant, Born of mortal woman

Not counting it loss that He was God

Splendour for home, Founded on jewels

Streets paved of gold, clear as glass

A Nazarene, Wanderer, of no fixed abode

Please explain the mystery to me

Why? How can God reduce to this?

Demons rebellious, Devised His demise

By His own, Denied and betrayed

My curse on Him, He cried in pain

Father, I hurt! Let this cup pass

For humanity Son, Drink the cup

Creator, Giver, Sustainer of life

Existent of His own volition

Fully God, yet fully man, God incarnate

On a tree, Cursed, Despised, Forsaken

Helpless hung, no life in Him

In dark tomb lay the Light of the world

‘Twas love drove Him there

Took He my place, forever severed

Wait! Hush! What’s that I hear?

Burst He forth, Eternal life keys jingling!

Who is this that condemns and judges?

Accuser of brethren, Shame on you

Jesus paid it all, I’m free; I’m free

Smile on my face, Head held high

I am His; He is mine, Eternity is sealed.

Worth the Royal Blood

I am no poet, but looking at where I am today and how powerfully the hand of God has led me, some form of prose flowed through my keyboard today. Be blessed:

WORTH THE ROYAL BLOOD

Because He died, I count for something
Because He died, I want in nothing
No need to despair; Calvary paid it all
My wounds and sorrows, scars and all
Took He upon Himself, so I could be free!

He took my pain; Oh so much love
Left His home in heaven above
Naked, reviled, despised was He;
When it should have been me
Oh, so much love; My brokenness
He took it all upon Him, so I could count for something

Wonder all ye heavens; Unfallen beings ever faithful
In whose minds, desires and deeds, no evil ever dwelt
He left you all, in pursuit of me; Sinful, vile, unclean
That’s how much I’m worth; Not just something but someone

Voices shouting; Worthless, unlovable, unloved!
Be silenced! Be silenced! Michael has stood!
Calvary stands to testify; I am worth the Royal Blood
Daughter of Zion, you are worth the Prince’s life
Calvary stands to testify; I am worth the Royal Blood!
Praise ye the LORD!

A Few Nuts and Bolts About True Love

'Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the hind and pleasant roe. Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished alway with her love' Proverbs 5 v 18,19

Today, Wednesday 11 August Lenox and I are celebrating our Anniversary. It was 16 years ago on this date that we made our vows before Reverend Tshabalala in the Anglican Church in New Lobengula, Bulawayo. That should explain why I’ve had a lens on relationships in my writings over the last couple of days. Wedding anniversaries are a fitting time to do such reflections, I think. Like I said before, in most cases we can trace the mood between a husband and wife to the thoughts that have been going through each one’s mind. When one has been having positive and affirming thoughts about their mate, they will generally be amiable toward them, and the opposite is true. Or your mate’s good acts prompt you to act lovingly towards them while their bad behaviour prompts you to be ungracious in return.

This may sound like a superficial analysis of what goes on in a marriage. Surely there must be more than that for a couple to end up separated or divorced. The honest truth is that your mate is not perfect and in their imperfection they are prone to do various things you do not like, approve of or that cause you pain. How are you to react when such happens? Does the absence of misunderstandings or fights mean that a couple is happy? In some cases it may mean the opposite. The two may not care enough to even fight. Healthy people will have disagreements from time to time. The most important factor is how they deal with it. I’ll attempt to look at some of the ways that we react to disagreements that may be detrimental to a healthy and happy marriage and also try to suggest a better way to do things. These are some of the ways we deal with each other and as usual I will tap from my own experiences.

1. Close up and refuse to talk
For most women it is the proverbial silent treatment and for most men it is pride and refusing to open up. Many times I have laughed at myself after I have given the silent treatment to my husband for one reason or the other. The obvious result is that he is going to conclude that we are not talking today and shut his mouth after several attempts at striking a conversation. The truth about me is that I love talking. I am a very relational person and talking is one way I enjoy to bond with people. So sooner or later I will want to talk and Lenox will have settled in the no talking mode that I set. It will take a lot of effort on my part to bring back the mood that will help us strike a conversation again. In most cases I must say it is quite comical to watch. I really credit Lenox for letting me back in after such treatment. On the other hand my macho husband will choose to be ‘the man’ and for whatever reason refuse to discuss an issue that is going on between us. He will want to talk about everything else except that! As his wife I believe I am gradually learning the art of getting him to open up and talk issues.

2. Get out the daggers
Another way that we sometimes deal with each other is to get ready for battle. We get so angry with each other and say things that we regret in the end. Usually for me this reaction comes when I have spent a lot of time in the ‘blame room’. After whatever incident that will have happened to cause tension between us, I visit the ‘faults deposit box’ and pull out of it any previous incidents that may have any link or similarity with what is going on now. Looking at that stuff long enough brings out the warrior in me and I will fight with whatever I can. It never gets to physical blows, but it’s still a fight. Those of you who are married may know what I’m talking about. For that period of time in my mind, my husband is enemy number one and must be destroyed! This is one of the most difficult moods to get out of and when it’s over I feel so drained and ask myself why I could not have put the energy into better use.

3. Play the victim
There are times when apportioning blame is the way to go. At those times it is never my fault. I am a victim of circumstances. It is a fact that men are physically stronger than women (at least in most cases and certainly in mine) and tradition (especially African) just has the whole system set up to favour the male of the species. So, all the things that men do are just set to bring that point home and who am I to argue with that? The fact that my husband is an individual who chooses to do what he wants irrespective of the environment just does not register at that moment. All that I see is how the odds are so heavily against me and I just give up and submit to the status quo. That is not a fair way to fight because really truly speaking, I am a capable individual and playing the victim is just a way of manipulating the situation to my advantage. I am sure to some extent the hubby is guilty of playing the victim too in a uniquely male way.

Reading this one would think, ‘How on earth has this marriage lasted for 16years’? This man is married to a mad woman. Friends: that is where we were for the majority of time in our earlier years of matrimony. Due to space limitations I cannot list all of the things we have done to each other, but there is much more. From time to time we wander back into that territory but with maturity we have learnt how to see the signs and quickly navigate out of the rut.

The fact that we have come this far is not because we are wiser or smarter than those who have not made it as far as we have. We have come this far purely by the grace of God. God in His marvellous mercy has through His Holy Spirit chided us, broken us, moulded us, and continues to do so. We are not yet what we ought to be, but thank God we are certainly not what we used to be. As individuals and as a couple we have been through so many challenges that if God had not been there, we would have drowned. Many times bags have been packed with one or the other being thrown out or just deciding that enough is enough, but thank God that here we are today.

To celebrate my 16 years with a very marvellous and incredible man, I want to share a gift with you. No matter what your marriage is going through, there is hope for you if you do not give up on your spouse. Do not listen to what people say is politically correct. Just call upon God to give you strength to walk on, ask Him to carry you where it is too tough for you to walk but never give up. Purpose in your heart to give your children a different legacy: one that will set them up for a future where they will have memories of mom and dad who loved each other to their individual graves. It’s worth it!!

May the Spirit of the Lord do for you what needs to be done. I leave you with this Bible text: Isaiah 40 v 31 ‘But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk, and not faint.’

To Lenox, my one and only ' Thank you for sticking out with this crazy girl. You gave me love when I had lost hope of ever feeling loved. You showed me that manhood is all about gentleness and caring. May your sons learn from you and pass the legacy on to their own sons. God bless you. I love you. Happy anniversary.'

The Real Reason to Love

“(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all thins, endures all things”. 1 Corinthians 13 v 7

I have been taking stock of the people in my life and how I have felt towards them at any one time or other. Top on the list for obvious reasons is my husband. I spend a lot of time with this man in private and in public. There are times when laughter and conversation have flowed so easily between us. We would hold hands for no reason at all, smile when we talk to each other, and generally do kind things for one another. At such times I send prayers of thanks giving to God for giving me such a wonderful and loving husband. Then there is the other side if the same coin. There are those dreadful times when even his voice irritates me. Anything he says is not right, his touch causes me to cringe and I must confess that a few times I have prayed to God that if He were really fair he would just strike this creature of His with lightning and save me from all the pain that he causes me. Can I see a raise of hands from those who identify with me? I hope it’s the majority if not all, otherwise that will make me a nut case.

I want to take an honest look at what causes the two contrasting situations that I have described with the same person.

In most cases when the lovey-dovey feeling rules supreme, it will be because of three major reasons. The first is that he will have immediately before done something that makes me feel special or that shows just how high esteem he holds me in. It could be that he bought me a present for whatever reason did something special or good for our children, parents or other relatives or has just been civil, respectful, cherishing and loving in his conduct towards me. The second reason is that in my private thought moments I will have chosen to think of the good times we have had in the past, dwelling on the good qualities that Lenox has which I admire in him or which distinguish him from other men and makes him the one for me. The third reason, which I am not particularly proud of, is when I want him to do something for me that would really take a lot of love for one to do. Then I’ll soften him up with a good attitude for a couple of hours before I drop the bomb. Ha! Ha! You’ve guessed it; the response he gives will determine whether or not the happy wife continues to reside in the house.

Obviously the reasons for my sour disposition are the opposite of the above. Firstly if he forgets my birthday or our anniversary, or has not been particularly civil, kind, respectful, loving and cherishing in his behaviour towards me, I give him back a taste of his own medicine, good measure, pressed down and shaken together. Second there are times when the choice of thoughts in my mind will focus on all the sins that he has ever committed to me in the past( real and perceived), and focusing on his personal weaknesses and things that get on my nerves about him. Thirdly, there are times when I feel I can go it alone if I needed to; after all I am a strong, intelligent capable woman who really does not need a man to validate her worth. Whenever any of these three scenarios are prevalent, the mood around us can be chillier than the North Pole.

There’s a whole lot I can say about the whys and whereof of such conduct in a marriage or any relationship for that matter, but for today I want us to focus on what it says about our reasons for love or saying we love someone. Do you see a common thread in my reasons for having loving gracious feelings towards my husband? It is that one way or the other he must earn my love. When he does not act lovingly towards me, my love dies down or disappears all together. When he acts lovingly I reward him with being amiable. Memories of his good and kind acts towards me directly or indirectly make me a goodly wife. The good qualities that he has motivate me to act lovingly towards him. My realisation of my need for him to provide material and emotional support make me dependent on him, therefore I love him and want him to always be around. It’s like a stage on which the quality of his acting determines the response of the solo audience. If personal attributes are the only reason for my love for my husband, what will happen when these gradually disappear? What it means is that there will be no reason for us to continue ‘in love’ hence the only option open would be the dreaded ‘D’.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional. I must love because I choose to love not because my husband deserves to be loved. Do not get me wrong, personal attributes do have their place, otherwise how would I have known that Lenox was the one I chose to live with the rest of my life. Something did attract him to me and hopefully me to him. But the reality of life was that when we got to know each other more intimately there were some attributes we both discovered in each other which we did not particularly like. But that did not mean that we were to discard each other or write each other off as husband/wife material.

The vows that we made to each other at the marriage alter had phrases like ‘to love and to cherish for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health’. These are really profound words which many of us say with stars in our eyes on our wedding days without really thinking about what they mean.

Really, truly and honestly speaking, this kind of love cannot be attained by mere human effort or zeal. It is a love that can only come from a God who is pure and holy and yet decided to take the nature of sinful man to come and rescue a hopeless race that had deliberately chosen a path of destruction. God’s love for us is absolutely unconditional. It was his absolute prerogative to terminally destroy us and eliminate sin from the face of the earth, yet God in His infinite love treated us with grace and mercy and chose to die in our place so we could be saved. When Moses asked God to show him His glory, the character of God was revealed to Moses as described in Exodus 34 v 6&7a; ‘And the Lord passed before Him and proclaimed. ‘The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long suffering, and abounding in goodness and truth. Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin’. Connect this with Psalm 103 v 8-14; ‘The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy towards those who fear Him. As far as the East is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. (NKJV) and then you can appreciate what true love is. God loves us not because we deserve it but because He chooses to love us.

God does not love us because we are lovable. He loves us because He is love. 1 John 4 v 10 ‘In this is love, not that we love God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins’ (NKJV). If God asked you to be perfect before He could love you, what would be the chances of your success. There is no way you would ever merit God’s love. If God has loved you this way my friend, why then do you demand perfection from your fellow man before they can deserve your love? 1 John 4 v 11 ‘Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another’ (NKJV).

Father, in our fallen, pompous human nature we have placed conditions for our fellow brothers and sisters to earn our love. Yet when we look at what you did for us on the cross of Calvary, you chose to die for us when there was no guarantee that any single one of us would receive that love. The kind of love that You have shown to us is one that is willing to take risks. On our own Lord, we cannot attain such love. It is only as we receive Your love that we can share it with our fellow man. Due to our selfishness many relationships have been ruined: Parents have disowned children because they have fallen short of expectations, children harbour resentment and disrespect for parents because they have let them down, marriages have ended in divorce because one or both spouses have refused to forgive. There is so much pain in our lives because of broken relationships resulting from unmet expectations. We humbly come before Your throne of grace this moment and ask You to cleanse us and purify us. If You, the majestic King of the universe humbled yourself to take the first step in reconciling with fallen man, who are we to be too proud to take the first step at reconciling with our parents, children, spouses to mend the broken relationships. Father I present to You all who are reading this who have ANY relationships that need mending. Touch their hearts Oh God and reveal to them Your love so they may receive it and share it with others. Only You can do it of us Lord. Please help us for the sake of Your Son Jesus Christ. AMEN.

In the Hands of the Owner

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. Psalm 32 v 8

One day when we were relaxing at home on a Sunday afternoon, my then youngest son Anele asked an interesting question. ‘Mom how come when you clean the house you take so long, yet sisi does it so much faster?’ Sisi means ‘Big Sister’ and that was how they referred to the maid who helped me with my domestic chores. Being a working mother I spent most of the day at the office and did not have time to clean the house that often. Whenever I did clean, it was on Sundays or holidays.

My son was right, when I was the one doing the cleaning; it was like spring cleaning all the time. I’d wake up way before dawn, put on my house coat and start with the kitchen. Of all the rooms in my house I’ve always loved the kitchen the most. Cupboards would be shaken out and reorganised, floors would be scrubbed and movable furniture would be moved. Sometimes I’d even take down the curtains and replace them with fresh ones or wash and hang them afresh. In most cases the work would go on for so long that we would only have breakfast about 10:00am when the members of my family were almost starving. You see, weekends and holidays were one of the few occasions we had the privilege of sitting down to eat breakfast together as a family.

A closer look at how I cleaned the house. I left no section untouched. There were pieces of furniture that my helper was too lazy to move or that were just not convenient to move on a daily basis. It appears I was the only one who was ever motivated enough to move those. Without fail, each time I cleaned the house myself, a lot of missing items were found; lost pencils, books, toys and even items of clothing at times. Cob webs would be removed, piles of dust taken out from under fridges and stoves etc. It was the same all the time. I know exactly how I want my house to be organized. There is a certain logical way in which I want things put in my kitchen so that when I go in to cook, I find things without thinking about where to find them. That’s just the way it is.

In my journey as a child of God, there are special people that God has allowed into my life who are his helpers. They interact with me on a daily basis. My friends and family are there to help me with some of my needs. When I am having difficulties with balancing home and career, my girlfriends are there to give me tips and ideas on how I can be more organised. When the boss is coming heavy on me due to deadlines to be met, my husband is a strong shoulder for me to lean on and his embrace comforts me and assures me that I am still loved and appreciated. When life has drained from me all that it can and I am almost giving up, one of my children does or says something that brings a smile to my heart and I realise there is so much to live for.
Obviously there are certain character traits which are evident to those closest to me. Because they love me, they point out these character weaknesses to me and they help me to clean up my act. Sometimes I become very impatient when things do not move at the pace that I want. My husband has a way of communicating with me that reminds me that I need not be on top of the situation all the time and that somehow causes me to be calm. One of my closest friends was a pillar of strength in prayer when my marriage was going through a particularly rough patch. I appreciate all these people who help put a semblance of order into my life and I know they are there by God’s design. However, they, like the maid who helps in my house have one weakness; they do not know me as intimately as my Maker.

That is why it is important to me to have daily devotions where I sit with God and tell him what pleases me and what annoys me. He is the only One who can go into all the corners of my heart and mind and clean, dust and polish behind the furniture. Family and friends are there to do their part just like my maid gives what she considers her best in keeping order in my house. There is only One who knows what is supposed to be kept in and what is supposed to be thrown out. Just like my maid cannot make such decisions as rearrange the furniture or throw out obsolete items without consulting me, the people in my life can only do so much in keeping me emotionally and spiritually balanced.

I am sure that must apply to you too. When was the last time you were still long enough to allow the Master to look into your heart and mind in order for Him to do what He does best? Life dumps a lot of stuff onto us, stuff that affects our feelings, emotions and our spiritual and physical well being. God is the only One who truly understands why and how we are the way we are and He is the only One who can reorganise and reprioritize for us for our optimal performance. When I have personally done the house, things become more efficient and my husband and children show their appreciation. Take the time to have regular appointments where you sit at Jesus’ feet and allow Him as your Creator to put order and balance into your life and thus make it more pleasant for the people in your life to live with you.

Lord, help me as your child to set aside time where I can commune with You as my Creator and Supplier of all my needs. Most times I become so busy fulfilling my societal obligations that I neglect the most important thing, that of spending time with You. Many times when things become too difficult, I rush to my friends and family for solutions and place unrealistic expectations on them for my wellbeing. I thank You for placing these people in my life. They are a real and tangible support system that I need; yet above all, I need your constant touch for me to function properly. It is such a great comfort to know that You are always there to listen to me and to counsel whenever I turn to You. AMEN

A Masterpiece in the Making

‘Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean; from all your filthiness, and from all your idols will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh’ Ezekiel 36 v 25, 26

Sometime in May this year we were hosted by a couple who are our friends with my husband. They were in the process of renovating their house. It was a house they had purchased two years back and immediately started on the renovation process. Since they moved into the house immediately after purchasing, it meant that they had lived with the inconvenience of being on a semi-construction site for the entire time that they had owned the house.

What caught my attention when they were narrating the journey thus far was the fact that they had so far only made major structural changes on the inside. This included shifting walls and rearranging rooms to obtain the look and functionality that they wanted. Without shifting the external walls of the house, major changes were happening on the inside. The only changes that they had made on the external walls were the removals of old narrow doors, replacing them with more spacious and modern sliding glass doors. According to their plan they were going to do the outside painting and the landscaping of the gardens last when the inside was to their satisfaction.

To me it seemed as if this couple had bought a house that they did not want. They went on to explain that without a doubt they wanted that particular house when they bought it. In fact what had motivated them to buy it was the potential that they saw in it. They envisioned what it would become once they were through with it. Why spend more than 90% of their time and money on the inside and not the outside? The rationale was that they spent most of their time inside the house, so it had to look the best and be the best functional for their comfort and that of their guests.

Listening to this couple talk about their incomplete house with such passion and expectation reminded me of a different kind of Renovator. God saw me wounded and weary from sin. My life and the condition of my heart were so unsightly that only a loving God would even give me a second look. On His first sight of me he looked way beyond what I was, and saw what I could become when He had worked on me. Long before I was formed, He decided to pay the ultimate price for me, that of His life on Calvary’s tree. Like our couple friend, God chose to move in immediately in spite of the inhabitable state that my heart was in. His focus was on the joy of having me let Him in to be the Master who would decide what needed to be changed and how the change would be organised.

Sometimes those who know that I have chosen to be friend to a supposedly all-wise, all-powerful and loving God wonder at why my circumstances continue to be the same, or even become more unpleasant sometimes since Jesus came into my heart. They ask themselves if my choice was a wise one. What they do not know until they come closer is that God is working on the inside. He focuses on changing the important areas first, those that are His dwelling place and those that impact on those who come into close contact with me. When the inside is to His satisfaction, then and only then will He change the outside, my circumstances so I can fully enjoy the blessings that have always been mine. The ultimate change will be on that great day when Christ shall come to take us home.

After choosing to follow Christ, your circumstances may be leaving many wondering why you are continuing with Him. Do not be discouraged, Jesus did say that the world would hate us for being His followers. The rubble outside are the unwanted characteristics and traits that have to make way for the new design that your inside is becoming. Some of the unsightly stuff outside is the construction material that must be brought inside to build the new walls from which beautiful pictures will hang, to create new rooms from where laughter will ring and beautiful relationships will be built with family and friends. Even before the work is complete, guests who pass by and touch your life will notice the change on the inside and they will rejoice with the re-Creator for the masterpiece that they see coming.

At some point along the journey of life, even though there may be touch-ups that will need to be done from time to time, the essential house will be completed both on the inside and the outside. The external walls shall be painted, the garden shall be done. Beautiful fragrances shall come forth. The fence shall be mended and even the outside will testify that the great Restorer has been there and continues to reside there, repairing what gets damaged and ensuring that the home is properly maintained.

Thank God for not ever giving up on you. Praise His name for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ that purchased our pardon from sin. Think of the wonderful work of the Holy Spirit who continually works with and in you to perfect you for the eternal life that God has promised. Be blessed
Further reading: Ezekiel 11 v 19, 20

No Need to Know it All

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil; to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29: 11

A friend of ours planned a surprise birthday party for his wife. He really wanted it to be a surprise. So he roped me and my husband into the plans at first. Eventually my whole family was in on the plot. The plot started on a Monday and the birthday fell on a Sabbath. To remove all suspicions on her part we advised him not to ignore the day but to acknowledge it with a ‘happy birthday’ message and birthday cards from him and their two children in the morning. He bought the gifts and brought them to our house for safe keeping. Some of the food was brought to our house. The other foodstuffs he ordered and left with the grocers for last minute collection.

We were doing very well until on the day itself. On Friday evening we had agreed with other families who had been invited to have our lunch at the birthday lady’s house the following day on Sabbath. Then it clicked that since the party was set for the evening, having lunch at their house would mean her husband saying something about her birthday and a celebration would be held prematurely. So we decided with the others to move the lunch from her house to another home. I sent a text message to announce the change of plans and her husband quickly picked on the idea and encouraged her to join us with her family. The birthday lady would not budge so we had lunch minus them.

Fortunately the husband had managed to convince her to attend the afternoon program at church in order that he could find opportunity to finish off preparations at home and to pick up the gifts and food. He did just that. He drove home with my kids for them to assist. My husband and I were meant to take her home at the close of the Sabbath. We were both involved in the afternoon program at church so we did our part while closely keeping an eye on her not to leave prematurely. She was now left in church with two restless children, not knowing where her husband was and the weather started to get chilly. Somehow while we were busy with the program, we missed it when she came out of church and walked home with the children. When we realised what had happened, we frantically tried to locate her by driving through the ‘village’ to try and intercept her before she got home. I caught up with her as she got into the house and discovered the secret. To shorten a long story, the surprise was no longer a surprise.

For it to be a surprise, my friend’s husband had to do things that did not make sense to her. How could he disappear without communicating and leave her to mind the children all alone. In her lack of understanding and impatience to figure out what was going on, the surprise was spoilt. You can be sure that she was not amused at all with what was going on and must have been preparing some choice words to say when she met her mate.

Many times God has planned surprises for me in my life. To accomplish the surprise, He sometimes has to put me in situations that do not make sense to me. He has the bigger picture which encompasses the end that he has prepared for me. All I can see is the here and now. In my confusion and quest to want to know it all, I interfere with God’s plans for my life. Like my friend who should have had faith that her dear loving husband would not possibly abandon her and the children, I too ought to be still and know that God is God (Psalm 46 v 10a). God has promised in his Word in so many ways that He will never leave me nor forsake me. It is so easy to repeat these promises when he has done something tangible that makes me feel happy and special. The challenge comes when he is cooking up a new plan meant to get me to another level in our relationship. I am sure you too have experienced those moments of saying ‘why Lord?’ or ‘what’s going on now?’

My thoughts are not your thoughts & My ways are not your ways God says in Isaiah 55 v 8, 9. My friend did get her birthday party but not the way that her husband had originally planned it to be. We too will get those things that God wants to give us, but maybe not in the same way or at the same time as God had intended if we would not have interfered. If only we would take God at His Word when he says ‘I know the plans I have for you?’(Jeremiah 29 v 11) We would receive exactly what God wanted us to have in the first place, in the right way at the right time.

Dear God, many times circumstances around me can be so confusing. There are times when I long to have something and want to have it now. In your wisdom, You cause me to wait, probably because what I want is not good for me or I am just not ready to receive it yet. There are times when I reach out for You, and I just don’t feel Your presence at a particularly difficult time in my life. At such times I may panic and even doubt Your promises to me. In my impatience and quest to understand what is going on, I may interfere with your plans for me. At such times, remind me of who You are. I thank You because You ‘do not deal with me after my sins’ but ‘You pity me as a father pities his child, and You remember that I am of a weak frame and that I am mere dust (Psalm 103 v 10, 13,14). Thank that no matter how much I fret, Your plans for me shall still be accomplished according to Your will. AMEN

Inscriptions in the Palm of His Hand

Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.
Isaiah 49: 15, 16

I recall when I was growing up and becoming a young woman, there was a crazy stage of our lives when one of my friends or I would become infatuated with a particular boy in class or at church. The boy would not even know that a particular girl was in love with him, yet the girl would inscribe the boy’s name in the palm of the hand. Not just any ordinary inscription. It would be artistically done with fancy letters and beautiful colours. Each time a girl thought of the boy, she would look at the inscription and smile. The secret admirer and her inner circle of friends were the only ones who knew. Surprisingly though the love was often short-lived, with affections shifting at an alarmingly fast rate to the next more handsome guy who came along.

I recall also the time I fell pregnant. Although I lost the baby at six months term of the pregnancy, I had felt the baby’s movements and seen pictures of him on the ultrasound screen. I anticipated the day I would hold that baby in my arms. I was heartbroken when the baby came too early and could not be saved. This happened to me one more time before I could finally have my first living child. My joy was fulfilled the day that I held my son, Jabu, in my arms for the first time. The joy I felt when I gave him my milk for the first time! I would spend long hours just gazing at him with love and wonder. Finally I understood what it meant to be a mother. I have experienced this same exhilaration three more times after my first son, giving birth to three more boys after him. Each one of them came in his own style and each one took my heart away in his own way. Motherhood has been the ultimate joyful experience of my life and continues to be.

Contrast this with a story that I have read in the newspapers and seen on television news so often. A mother gives birth to a child, boy or girl, and feels so overwhelmed by life’s circumstances that they kill the child or dumps it in a dustbin. Having experienced the loss of a child and facing the uncertainty of not knowing if I would ever be able to one day carry a baby to full term; I cannot understand how a mother can do such a thing. Also having experienced the joy of labour and finally holding a live baby in my arms I still cannot understand how a mother can do such a thing.

The bond between mother and child is the strongest that I know and the love of a mother for a child is the sincerest that I know of all human relationships. Yet God says it is still possible for a mother to forget her nursing child, and to have no compassion for the son of her womb. The dumped babies, the neglected children bear testimony to that. God promises that even if the strongest love known to man cannot be relied upon, His love for us will never fade. He will never forget each one of us. Better than the infatuated girl who inscribes the boy of the moment’s name and soon forgets about him when a better looking one comes along, the inscription of our names in the palm of His hands are permanent.

I imagine God looking at his hand, seeing my name artistically and lovingly inscribed in multiple colours, I imagine Him smiling to Himself because the name of the object of His affections is in front of Him. That really reminds me that I am special. That the God of the universe cares for me to that extent reminds me to pull back my shoulders, hold my head high and face life’s challenges upfront. For a moment I may have been down from the devil’s blows but if he thought I was knocked out he better think again. This imagery keeps me going and helps me to smile when I should be crying, to continue to give when the world just keeps taking from me, to be gentle with those who are rough and inconsiderate, to be graceful when I am exhausted. Only that promise from the Creator Himself sustains me.

There are many women, mothers, and young girls and even men out there in the world from whom the world has taken more than its share physically, emotionally and spiritually. I want you to go to a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for a while. Close your eyes and imagine God sitting on His Heavenly throne. Imagine the angels falling prostrate in worship before Him. He sees all that, but above all, He is looking into His palm, there is a smile on His face, He is toying around the palm with His finger, reading your name there, caressing every letter, longing to one day meet with you face to face. How does that make you feel? It’s not just a feeling, it’s a fact. God loves you and promises to never leave you alone. No matter how much the devil thinks he has battered you, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and receive God’s love. Put your best foot forward and believe that the best is yet to come.

Lord I pray for each woman, young or old who has just read this passage. Each one of us faces challenges at different levels. Some are working mothers who juggle home and career demands and the devil keeps pointing an accusatory finger at them. Some are housewives who are giving their best but feel unappreciated and unrecognised. Some are young women who have made choices that they are not particularly proud of and again Satan reminds them daily of their failures, making them feel desperately unworthy. Some are women, young and old, who have been sexually abused and have lived with the shame, not breathing a word to a single soul, but daily haunted by the reality of it all. Some are women taking care of terminally ill relatives or spouses, even though exhausted from the effort they have to keep going. Some are living with unfaithful spouses and they do not know whether to leave or stay. Some harbour such deep emotional wounds from verbal and emotional abuse. Others worry about wayward children who have wandered away from the principles they gave. Yet others mourn children whom death robbed them of just as they were budding. Others have lost their husbands to death or infidelity. No matter what each woman’s challenge Lord, I pray that you visit each one and meet them at their point of need. Heal the wounds that time has dealt them. Constantly remind each one through your Holy Spirit just how special they are. Help them see beyond the challenge. Give them strength and courage to pick up the pieces and move on knowing in Whom they believe, the same One who holds the future in His hands. AMEN