Worth the Royal Blood

I am no poet, but looking at where I am today and how powerfully the hand of God has led me, some form of prose flowed through my keyboard today. Be blessed:

WORTH THE ROYAL BLOOD

Because He died, I count for something
Because He died, I want in nothing
No need to despair; Calvary paid it all
My wounds and sorrows, scars and all
Took He upon Himself, so I could be free!

He took my pain; Oh so much love
Left His home in heaven above
Naked, reviled, despised was He;
When it should have been me
Oh, so much love; My brokenness
He took it all upon Him, so I could count for something

Wonder all ye heavens; Unfallen beings ever faithful
In whose minds, desires and deeds, no evil ever dwelt
He left you all, in pursuit of me; Sinful, vile, unclean
That’s how much I’m worth; Not just something but someone

Voices shouting; Worthless, unlovable, unloved!
Be silenced! Be silenced! Michael has stood!
Calvary stands to testify; I am worth the Royal Blood
Daughter of Zion, you are worth the Prince’s life
Calvary stands to testify; I am worth the Royal Blood!
Praise ye the LORD!

A Few Nuts and Bolts About True Love

'Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the hind and pleasant roe. Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished alway with her love' Proverbs 5 v 18,19

Today, Wednesday 11 August Lenox and I are celebrating our Anniversary. It was 16 years ago on this date that we made our vows before Reverend Tshabalala in the Anglican Church in New Lobengula, Bulawayo. That should explain why I’ve had a lens on relationships in my writings over the last couple of days. Wedding anniversaries are a fitting time to do such reflections, I think. Like I said before, in most cases we can trace the mood between a husband and wife to the thoughts that have been going through each one’s mind. When one has been having positive and affirming thoughts about their mate, they will generally be amiable toward them, and the opposite is true. Or your mate’s good acts prompt you to act lovingly towards them while their bad behaviour prompts you to be ungracious in return.

This may sound like a superficial analysis of what goes on in a marriage. Surely there must be more than that for a couple to end up separated or divorced. The honest truth is that your mate is not perfect and in their imperfection they are prone to do various things you do not like, approve of or that cause you pain. How are you to react when such happens? Does the absence of misunderstandings or fights mean that a couple is happy? In some cases it may mean the opposite. The two may not care enough to even fight. Healthy people will have disagreements from time to time. The most important factor is how they deal with it. I’ll attempt to look at some of the ways that we react to disagreements that may be detrimental to a healthy and happy marriage and also try to suggest a better way to do things. These are some of the ways we deal with each other and as usual I will tap from my own experiences.

1. Close up and refuse to talk
For most women it is the proverbial silent treatment and for most men it is pride and refusing to open up. Many times I have laughed at myself after I have given the silent treatment to my husband for one reason or the other. The obvious result is that he is going to conclude that we are not talking today and shut his mouth after several attempts at striking a conversation. The truth about me is that I love talking. I am a very relational person and talking is one way I enjoy to bond with people. So sooner or later I will want to talk and Lenox will have settled in the no talking mode that I set. It will take a lot of effort on my part to bring back the mood that will help us strike a conversation again. In most cases I must say it is quite comical to watch. I really credit Lenox for letting me back in after such treatment. On the other hand my macho husband will choose to be ‘the man’ and for whatever reason refuse to discuss an issue that is going on between us. He will want to talk about everything else except that! As his wife I believe I am gradually learning the art of getting him to open up and talk issues.

2. Get out the daggers
Another way that we sometimes deal with each other is to get ready for battle. We get so angry with each other and say things that we regret in the end. Usually for me this reaction comes when I have spent a lot of time in the ‘blame room’. After whatever incident that will have happened to cause tension between us, I visit the ‘faults deposit box’ and pull out of it any previous incidents that may have any link or similarity with what is going on now. Looking at that stuff long enough brings out the warrior in me and I will fight with whatever I can. It never gets to physical blows, but it’s still a fight. Those of you who are married may know what I’m talking about. For that period of time in my mind, my husband is enemy number one and must be destroyed! This is one of the most difficult moods to get out of and when it’s over I feel so drained and ask myself why I could not have put the energy into better use.

3. Play the victim
There are times when apportioning blame is the way to go. At those times it is never my fault. I am a victim of circumstances. It is a fact that men are physically stronger than women (at least in most cases and certainly in mine) and tradition (especially African) just has the whole system set up to favour the male of the species. So, all the things that men do are just set to bring that point home and who am I to argue with that? The fact that my husband is an individual who chooses to do what he wants irrespective of the environment just does not register at that moment. All that I see is how the odds are so heavily against me and I just give up and submit to the status quo. That is not a fair way to fight because really truly speaking, I am a capable individual and playing the victim is just a way of manipulating the situation to my advantage. I am sure to some extent the hubby is guilty of playing the victim too in a uniquely male way.

Reading this one would think, ‘How on earth has this marriage lasted for 16years’? This man is married to a mad woman. Friends: that is where we were for the majority of time in our earlier years of matrimony. Due to space limitations I cannot list all of the things we have done to each other, but there is much more. From time to time we wander back into that territory but with maturity we have learnt how to see the signs and quickly navigate out of the rut.

The fact that we have come this far is not because we are wiser or smarter than those who have not made it as far as we have. We have come this far purely by the grace of God. God in His marvellous mercy has through His Holy Spirit chided us, broken us, moulded us, and continues to do so. We are not yet what we ought to be, but thank God we are certainly not what we used to be. As individuals and as a couple we have been through so many challenges that if God had not been there, we would have drowned. Many times bags have been packed with one or the other being thrown out or just deciding that enough is enough, but thank God that here we are today.

To celebrate my 16 years with a very marvellous and incredible man, I want to share a gift with you. No matter what your marriage is going through, there is hope for you if you do not give up on your spouse. Do not listen to what people say is politically correct. Just call upon God to give you strength to walk on, ask Him to carry you where it is too tough for you to walk but never give up. Purpose in your heart to give your children a different legacy: one that will set them up for a future where they will have memories of mom and dad who loved each other to their individual graves. It’s worth it!!

May the Spirit of the Lord do for you what needs to be done. I leave you with this Bible text: Isaiah 40 v 31 ‘But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk, and not faint.’

To Lenox, my one and only ' Thank you for sticking out with this crazy girl. You gave me love when I had lost hope of ever feeling loved. You showed me that manhood is all about gentleness and caring. May your sons learn from you and pass the legacy on to their own sons. God bless you. I love you. Happy anniversary.'

The Real Reason to Love

“(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all thins, endures all things”. 1 Corinthians 13 v 7

I have been taking stock of the people in my life and how I have felt towards them at any one time or other. Top on the list for obvious reasons is my husband. I spend a lot of time with this man in private and in public. There are times when laughter and conversation have flowed so easily between us. We would hold hands for no reason at all, smile when we talk to each other, and generally do kind things for one another. At such times I send prayers of thanks giving to God for giving me such a wonderful and loving husband. Then there is the other side if the same coin. There are those dreadful times when even his voice irritates me. Anything he says is not right, his touch causes me to cringe and I must confess that a few times I have prayed to God that if He were really fair he would just strike this creature of His with lightning and save me from all the pain that he causes me. Can I see a raise of hands from those who identify with me? I hope it’s the majority if not all, otherwise that will make me a nut case.

I want to take an honest look at what causes the two contrasting situations that I have described with the same person.

In most cases when the lovey-dovey feeling rules supreme, it will be because of three major reasons. The first is that he will have immediately before done something that makes me feel special or that shows just how high esteem he holds me in. It could be that he bought me a present for whatever reason did something special or good for our children, parents or other relatives or has just been civil, respectful, cherishing and loving in his conduct towards me. The second reason is that in my private thought moments I will have chosen to think of the good times we have had in the past, dwelling on the good qualities that Lenox has which I admire in him or which distinguish him from other men and makes him the one for me. The third reason, which I am not particularly proud of, is when I want him to do something for me that would really take a lot of love for one to do. Then I’ll soften him up with a good attitude for a couple of hours before I drop the bomb. Ha! Ha! You’ve guessed it; the response he gives will determine whether or not the happy wife continues to reside in the house.

Obviously the reasons for my sour disposition are the opposite of the above. Firstly if he forgets my birthday or our anniversary, or has not been particularly civil, kind, respectful, loving and cherishing in his behaviour towards me, I give him back a taste of his own medicine, good measure, pressed down and shaken together. Second there are times when the choice of thoughts in my mind will focus on all the sins that he has ever committed to me in the past( real and perceived), and focusing on his personal weaknesses and things that get on my nerves about him. Thirdly, there are times when I feel I can go it alone if I needed to; after all I am a strong, intelligent capable woman who really does not need a man to validate her worth. Whenever any of these three scenarios are prevalent, the mood around us can be chillier than the North Pole.

There’s a whole lot I can say about the whys and whereof of such conduct in a marriage or any relationship for that matter, but for today I want us to focus on what it says about our reasons for love or saying we love someone. Do you see a common thread in my reasons for having loving gracious feelings towards my husband? It is that one way or the other he must earn my love. When he does not act lovingly towards me, my love dies down or disappears all together. When he acts lovingly I reward him with being amiable. Memories of his good and kind acts towards me directly or indirectly make me a goodly wife. The good qualities that he has motivate me to act lovingly towards him. My realisation of my need for him to provide material and emotional support make me dependent on him, therefore I love him and want him to always be around. It’s like a stage on which the quality of his acting determines the response of the solo audience. If personal attributes are the only reason for my love for my husband, what will happen when these gradually disappear? What it means is that there will be no reason for us to continue ‘in love’ hence the only option open would be the dreaded ‘D’.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional. I must love because I choose to love not because my husband deserves to be loved. Do not get me wrong, personal attributes do have their place, otherwise how would I have known that Lenox was the one I chose to live with the rest of my life. Something did attract him to me and hopefully me to him. But the reality of life was that when we got to know each other more intimately there were some attributes we both discovered in each other which we did not particularly like. But that did not mean that we were to discard each other or write each other off as husband/wife material.

The vows that we made to each other at the marriage alter had phrases like ‘to love and to cherish for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health’. These are really profound words which many of us say with stars in our eyes on our wedding days without really thinking about what they mean.

Really, truly and honestly speaking, this kind of love cannot be attained by mere human effort or zeal. It is a love that can only come from a God who is pure and holy and yet decided to take the nature of sinful man to come and rescue a hopeless race that had deliberately chosen a path of destruction. God’s love for us is absolutely unconditional. It was his absolute prerogative to terminally destroy us and eliminate sin from the face of the earth, yet God in His infinite love treated us with grace and mercy and chose to die in our place so we could be saved. When Moses asked God to show him His glory, the character of God was revealed to Moses as described in Exodus 34 v 6&7a; ‘And the Lord passed before Him and proclaimed. ‘The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long suffering, and abounding in goodness and truth. Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin’. Connect this with Psalm 103 v 8-14; ‘The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy towards those who fear Him. As far as the East is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. (NKJV) and then you can appreciate what true love is. God loves us not because we deserve it but because He chooses to love us.

God does not love us because we are lovable. He loves us because He is love. 1 John 4 v 10 ‘In this is love, not that we love God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins’ (NKJV). If God asked you to be perfect before He could love you, what would be the chances of your success. There is no way you would ever merit God’s love. If God has loved you this way my friend, why then do you demand perfection from your fellow man before they can deserve your love? 1 John 4 v 11 ‘Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another’ (NKJV).

Father, in our fallen, pompous human nature we have placed conditions for our fellow brothers and sisters to earn our love. Yet when we look at what you did for us on the cross of Calvary, you chose to die for us when there was no guarantee that any single one of us would receive that love. The kind of love that You have shown to us is one that is willing to take risks. On our own Lord, we cannot attain such love. It is only as we receive Your love that we can share it with our fellow man. Due to our selfishness many relationships have been ruined: Parents have disowned children because they have fallen short of expectations, children harbour resentment and disrespect for parents because they have let them down, marriages have ended in divorce because one or both spouses have refused to forgive. There is so much pain in our lives because of broken relationships resulting from unmet expectations. We humbly come before Your throne of grace this moment and ask You to cleanse us and purify us. If You, the majestic King of the universe humbled yourself to take the first step in reconciling with fallen man, who are we to be too proud to take the first step at reconciling with our parents, children, spouses to mend the broken relationships. Father I present to You all who are reading this who have ANY relationships that need mending. Touch their hearts Oh God and reveal to them Your love so they may receive it and share it with others. Only You can do it of us Lord. Please help us for the sake of Your Son Jesus Christ. AMEN.